Growing up. Saying goodbye.

Currently Listening Black and Blue By Backstreet Boys Shape of My Heart see related

Sprain-ing forward.

Can someone tell me why I sprained every part of my leg?  First it was a sprained left knee, then... left calf, left knee again, right calf, left knee, left calf, left joint of the toe... AHHH!!  This is just too crazy and I don't think I can handle it, but it'll heal... some time soon!

Classes are ending soon.  Only 1 final exam, but 3 papers.  Chinese is going to be relatively easy, Floyd's paper= No Comment, Last Laugh... I will laugh and go ballistic if I finish that paper.  Kinda stressed out, but not really.  Stressing wouldn't do anything for me... just gotta study.  I feel like this is a chance to show my family that I'm worth it... but heck, why do I always have to care about what they think... have they ever thought about how I feel?

Been endlessly listening to Backstreet Boys again.  Haha, Thuy was playing it in her car... I guess BSB is just IRRESISTABLE.

Now, I just tell people I lost it, so I wouldn't be hurt as much... but the pain is still lingering.  I didn't expect anything to come out of it, and nothing did.  In a way, I'm glad that everything is almost over, so I can leave this place.  Smith is wonderful, but there are too many pitholes laying around, waiting for me to fall in.  Sometimes the holes are too deep, but I know I can find a way out.  All it takes... is time. 

Currently Watching Charlotte Sometimes By Jacqueline Kim, Eugenia Yuan, Matt Westmore, Michael Idemoto, Shizuko Hoshi see related

Knee-ding to get away!

Now my knee is sorta sprained and my left calf is completely sprained.  When will the pain end???  Hopefully soon. 

Going back to the city on Wednesday (night?)... should I stop by Stony?  Maybe if i feel better.  Or just meet up with my brother and take the train together.  I miss NYC's MTA... even though I've been on it since forever, haha   I love the long chats with Ken... he is so understanding in every way.  He knows me better than I know him.  What can I say?  He was always the smarter one.  Someday I'll catch up to you, don't worry!!  I still remember when you were a senior in high school and we talked about leaving for college and how it might change everything.  I know some things have changed already, but I promise you not for the worst, but for the better.  I'm glad you and mom allowed me to come to Smith and explore the possibilities.  This is truly a wonderful place... I hope I can stay here forever.  It's like a safety place.  I now call it my home.  I know you get upset when I say that, but it is.  Probably because it's the first time I've experienced independence.  I feel free and happy.  Whenever I get back to the city... I become that stiff person again.. knowing I can't do anything because you guys are always trying to protect me from danger.  I love you guys to death and I hope our relationship will never change.  If you decide to become a social worker and I become a professor (actress/political activist on the side), you can crash in my place.  Don't bring home too many girls because Pikachu will be mad at you (even though he's a guy and he's MINE ).

I think I should just let things flow... whatever happens, happens.  But yet again, everything happens for a reason.  I am a firm believer in that.  But for the mean time, I am still in love with Pikachu.  Since January 04, 1999.  Yup, eight years and still counting... (yes, the POKEMON!!!)  Ash Ketchum, stop hogging my man!!

O yes, I'm watching Charlotte Sometimes AGAIN.  It's my 6th time... no?  Ken, shut up... you watched it like 653453245676543 times!!!  Let's "da been lo" with mom during Thanksgiving!!!  You know we don't celebrate Thanksgiving, ROFLS

Hanging on.

Just got back from NYC.  I have to admit "teet da" really works better than American doctors.  I've only visited the Chinese doctor twice:  he was rubbing my knee on Sunday, and today, he bend my knee completely and started cracking the stiffness.  I tried not to scream, so I laughed like crazy.  He told me to shut up.  And I did.  Now I can bend my knees, but I still have to use crutches for support.  YAY!

I don't know why... but I love watching how he brags about himself.  He always tells everyone that walks in that he wouldn't do anything to hurt us, and even if it hurts, he is trying to cure us.  He claims that he wouldn't lie, he would always yell at stupid patients, and always talk about the most random-est things.  I also have to add... he looks like a chipmunk, hahaha   << that was so random, but yea...  He is amazing.  If any of y'all get a twisted ankle, sprained knee, broken bones, fractured hips... call me up and I'll bring you guys to his "office" in no time!!!! 

I still can't believe I came back to Smith when he told me specifically that it will take 7 consecutive days for my knee to completely heal.  I don't know if I'm stubborn or my buddy's advice scared the shit out of me.  This is harder than I thought.  I guess I gotta hang on.  Smith is serious about attendance.  I am serious about Smith.  Sigh*.  I don't know what to say.

I love my mother for being there for me.  Ken, you didn't come back to see me, you suck!  HAHA, just kidding.. I love you! <3  Hope Stony isn't too >.< for you.  You're still the bestest brother in the whole wide world!   NOT!

How can I sum up a batch of confusion?  Hmm...  I guess you are really addicting .

Falling Hard.

     I remember 2 years ago when my brother had to go to the hospital after a near-death experience... everybody was so worried about him, everybody blamed themselves for not being more aware of his abrupted appendix; it was really something.  But thankfully, god saved him and he is still with us.  After 19 years, it seems like everything is so hard for him, but yet, things seems even harder for me. 
     Yesterday, I tried knocking on my friend's window, but didn't recognize a hole in front of the window since it was so dark.. and fell right in.  I felt so scared, helpless... I screamed on top of my lungs, but nobody cared.  People walked by chatting with their friends... until one girl from my house came over to help me up.  I seriously thought I was gonna rot in that hole.. but I was saved.  After getting in Emerson (the Quad house my friend lives in), Luisa - EMT certified- gave me ice.. and comforted me.  I felt so much better.

But this morning, as I woke up.. a sharp pain grew on my left knee, so I couldn't help, but to call Public Safety.  I was sent to the hospital.  I slept for a while, but had to read... a couple of hours later, the doctor came.  Went in for some X-Rays.  The doctor's assistant came back and said nothing was wrong... might just be a sprained knee.  She told me to put ice on it.. take IB Profen.. and rest as much as possible.  After she left, I just started crying because i felt so lonely.  At least when my brother went through his surgery, we were all with him... we, as in my mother and I... certain someone is missing.  I just hoped someone was with me... but I told myself, whatever, go through this yourself.  You'll be even stronger than before.  Sometimes I feel like being a superwoman and do everything on my own, but certain times... i can only hope for someone to care.. or at least get a phone call from him... from my dad.

I didn't see him for a year and a little more.. I really miss him.  I wonder if he misses me too.  Sigh*  ...  Sometimes I ask myself if it's worth my time to even think about him.